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StSaling Rules
I just hate a lot of things is all.

Check this out

11.16.2008
I'm coming out of hiding to tell you about how I kicked my hangover in the teeth this morning:

11:00 am
1 piece of burnt toast
1 cup of coffee with Kahlua

12:00 pm
1 cup of chicken broth*

1:00 pm
1 bowl of macaroni and tomato juice with SO MUCH salt and pepper (seriously, shut up about this until you try it, it's a family favorite)
1 glass of 7-UP

I feel like singing a spiritual.

*Marc had some chicken broth, too. He's feeling much better. Seriously, try the broth cure.
2:55 PM :: 1 comments ::

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My mom is tired of this shit

7.31.2008
Re: that crabass old guy at the Tim Hortons my mom frequents:

"I don't want to have to slap that old man into his grave."
8:42 AM :: 1 comments ::

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Pleasant

7.15.2008
"Doctor's office, this is Kathy."

"Hi, Kathy. I wondered if you help me track down my immunization records."

"Well...okay, but...YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT A MINUTE BECAUSE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING ELSE."

Free advice: then don't pick up the f'ing phone, dick.
1:40 PM :: 0 comments ::

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Rasheed Wallace has Komodo dragons?!?!??!?!?!?!

6.27.2008
You might call this a breakdown in text communication.

Marc: shedd has komodos

Me: What? WHAT?

Marc: that's what mike told me

Me: i think there was a spelling error. did you say RASHEED WALLACE?

Marc: mike

Me: YOU'RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE

Marc: shedd aquarium

OH.
4:06 PM :: 0 comments ::

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F those Komodo dragons, seriously.

6.20.2008
I hate Komodo dragons and I want you to hate them, too. Here are some facts that will probably make you lose control of your bowels:

-they can grow to 6.5-10 feet and 150 pounds
-they can live as long as 50 years
-they are carnivores and will pretty much eat whatever they can get, but usually monkeys, wild boars, goats, deer, horses, and water buffalo
-they can see as far away as 985 feet
-they can smell prey 2.5-6 miles away
-these little bastards will routinely attack their prey, then go sun themselves for a while, then go back and finish the job
-they can eat up to 80% of their body weight in one sitting and survive on as little as 12 meals in one year
-they will dig up and eat human bodies from shallow graves
-their saliva is lethal because of all the sick shit they eat -- so even if, say, a deer gets away, it's still LIGHTS OUT in no time
-they are capable of parthenogenesis oh my god
-they can fly and read our minds

Not so bad, though, right? WRONG. Story preview: those little shits bring a world of terror to the privates of one very unlucky water buffalo.

Bottom line is this: Komodo dragons are going to kill us all very soon. This is why I'm the founder of "People for the Extinction of Komodo Dragons" because you know what? I am not going to sit around while these things tear off testicles. I have to draw the line somewhere.

(So the best part of this story is that I started a Facebook group for this and a bunch of high school kids from South Carolina joined. I love those kids. No way would I let a Komodo dragon go down their throats and eat them from the inside.)
12:34 PM :: 2 comments ::

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StSaling just got paid.

6.17.2008
My company is a Microsoft partner and I've received several lame-ass gifts in the past from them: clock/pen holder, pens, wireless mouse (FINE, that one was okay), t-shirts, bags. But they peaked today.



That's a real $20 bill. Hey, Microsoft, keep it coming, I have bills to pay. Actually, I'm kind of nervous to spend it. Maybe it isn't real. Maybe I'll get arrested when I use it to buy a burrito later tonight.
9:00 PM :: 1 comments ::

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Can you handle this?

6.06.2008
Look, I know you don't care, but can't you just let me tell you this right now?

On the medium level of Guitar Hero 3, I've gotten 100% on the following songs:

Slow Ride
Talk Dirty to Me
Hit Me with Your Best Shot
Mississippi Queen
Sunshine of Your Love
Bulls on Parade
When You Were Young
Miss Murder
Kool Thing
Even Flow
Welcome to the Jungle
3's and 7's

And yeah, I know this means I should move up a level, but f off. Can't you give me this ONE THING?
11:38 PM :: 2 comments ::

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